My goal is to one day have enough lights to go full Clark Griswold.
350 down, only 24,650 to go.
"Brian, I added a column to your report with some questions I have for each line item. Please look it over and provide your feedback ASAP."
That’s an email I just received at work from some dude. Yeah he even said ASAP.
At this point I was only vaguely familiar with what he was talking about. So I opened the attachment and it was a report I sent him 13 months ago. He needs me to answer questions ASAP about a report that’s from the 3rd quarter of Two-thousand Fucking Twelve!!!
I wonder how I should respond. I’m thinking either “dude this is over a year old, fuck off”. Or I’ll just answer the questions nicely and wish him a Merry Christmas. Thoughts?
For someone currently watching traffic slow to a crawl right outside my office window, these lyrics really piss me off.
|—||Me, singing to Owen, as we were crossing the river on our way to Grandma’s. He didn’t laugh.|
My group at work is merging with another group, so as of 12/1 I’ll have new leadership. Today we had a Town Hall meeting with our new VP to discuss some of the changes we can expect in the 1st quarter. Afterwards it was opened up to questions, which never ends up being the right questions of the only two things any of us care about.
"Hi. My questions are on behalf of the entire group and are really the only reasons any of us have dialed into the bridge today in hopes that you’ll touch on them. #1, what’s your opinion on working from home? Our current VP is a bit of an asshole when it comes to that, so what’s your feeling on me only coming into the office like once or twice a year and only when food is being served? And #2, which of us is getting laid off next year? Thanks, I’ll hang up and listen to your answer."
Dammit, forgot to take myself off mute.
The Daily Show using my material. I can dig that.
This was sent to me by a teacher friend of mine and it’s now my go-to excuse for all future fuck-ups.
"Brian, why did you screw up those reports so badly?"
“Well if you hadn’t noticed, my mind has been a bit preoccupied with awesome ideas all day. Duh.”
“Oh. Well let’s make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“I make no guarantees. These awesome ideas are completely out of my control.”
Why is everyone holding up their phones at us? You guys get the PBS Kids app on those things?
I wonder what quarter it is. No stop it, I’m here for the prayers, not for the Bears. Ha, that’s clever. I should tell that to everyone later. I was there for the prayers, not for the Bears. Everyone will find that funny all day.
A bath in the middle of the day? What was that all about? I don’t think I had an explosion. Then again, maybe I did.
You guys realize I can hear you, right? Just keep smiling. And inner voices please.
Every morning when Owen wakes up, Jill will take him to the kitchen and give him a vitamin. But before he eats it, for some reason he always runs into my office to show it to me first. We’ll exchange smiles and good mornings, and then he turns around and walks away. It’s been a daily tradition for as long as I can remember.
My office cancelled our work from home policy indefinitely, and today was my first day back in the office. I’m told Owen ran into my office and just stood there, vitamin in hand, for like a minute, before turning around and leaving.
If you’ll excuse me, I have to go spend the rest of the day in the bathroom by myself away from people.
It really speaks to the laziness of the people who created our numbering system that they couldn’t think of a better design for 9.
"Come on, think. We really only need one more. After this, we’ll start combining them. I love what you did with 8 by the way."
"Can’t we just end it here? After 8 comes 10. Let’s order a pizza."
"Nah, the math nerds will hate us."
"Fine. Just flip one of them upside down then."
I wonder how close we were to the 9 looking like a lower-case h.