It’s now time for another edition of Ask Brian, where my readers write in to ask for my advice or to comment on what’s going on in the world even though I only have 6 or 7 readers so the names, comments, and questions were obviously just made up by me just now.
Why is it that every time there’s a domestic violence story in the news, I have to read about how badly all men suck? I’ve never hit my girlfriend, so why should I get blamed?
Tired in Kankakee
It’s because 96% of all men suck, so we’re just rounding up. Think about it; even you had to frame your question around the notion that you’ve “never hit your girlfriend.” Well good for you, Skeezik. That doesn’t deserve praise. And dad’s with daughters, this goes for you too. Quit saying “ever since I had a daughter, I’ve had a different perspective on things”. Oh? So before it was okay to be a dick, but now that little Madison was born, you’re gonna stop? Please. The way I see it, the only guys who are offended by misandry are the ones with something to hide. If you have nothing to hide, then maybe they’re not necessarily talking about you. Believe me, when they’re talking about you specifically, you’ll know. In which case, I won’t care about your feelings anymore anyway. So quit giving a shit and move on.
I don’t really understand the outrage towards Adrian Peterson disciplining his 4 year old. When I was a kid, my parents used to beat me with a switch as well, and I turned out okay.
Sick of PC Crap in Aurora
I have a hard truth for you. You didn’t actually turn out okay. In fact you’re a bit of an asshole and even your close friends and family think so. Honestly they’re just being polite to your face, but it’s quite the scene behind your back. Nobody has the balls to call you out on all your bullshit facebook ramblings, but I’ll do it. I am sorry you were abused as a child and hope you get the help you need. However, your opinions are stupid and everyone hates you.
I love your site and think you’re hilarious. I always knew you’d do great things.
Big Fan in Carol Stream
Dear Mom, er, I mean Big Fan,
Thank you for always reading.