1 Happy St.
I hope you don't mind but I turned the air down.
Really?
No good?
I mean I guess that's fine, but I'm already sweating balls over here.
Yeah me too, that's why I turned it...down.
[confused look]
[confused look back]
Wait, did you turn the air down, or...I'm sorry, what the hell?
Yeah, what are you talking about?
I really don't know.
I turned it down from 74 to 72.
Oh geez. So you turned the air UP.
Ha. No, I turned it DOWN.
I feel like I'm in the middle of an Abbott and Costello routine.
You're not gonna put this on your blog, are you?
I would never!!!
The medical bills for Olivia’s birth are finally paid off. Both of my kids are officially mine. Woo Hoo!!!
I can put this on my resume’, right?

I can put this on my resume’, right?

Stand over by the window please. I want to get a picture for your first day of preschool. 

My first day of what now?

Stand over by the window please. I want to get a picture for your first day of preschool.

My first day of what now?

jss:

Robin Williams, 1951-2014

Totally forgot about this episode. Ugh.

Did I just spend the last 3 hours putting together a report for my leadership team? Yes. Did I do a good job with it? I think so. Did I accidentally attach the wrong document and send all my managers a PDF file of a lease on a house Jill and I are renting at the end of the summer? There’s a very good possibility.

I got my shorts down, they’re playin’ my song, the butterflies fly away. Warm water on my hands like yeah. Readin’ books on my lap like yeah. I got my pants down, they’re playin’ my song. I know I’m gonna be okay. Yeeeeeaaaaah, it’s a potty in the USA.
Me, singing to Owen on the potty. He’s not old enough to fully appreciate me yet. Then again he’s also not old enough to fully hate me either, so it all evens out

I just had a telemarketer begin his pitch by apologizing for the inconvenience of me having to take his call. That has to be a new one, no? Apologizing ahead of time for something you’re about to do on purpose?

Hey I just wanted you to know I’m about to kick you in the balls. But I’m really sorry about it.

Hmmm, interesting. How about you hold on to your apology, and just not kick me in the balls?

I’ve considered that, but no. I’m gonna kick you in the balls.

Fine. Well thanks for saying sorry I guess.

Hey it’s just my nature. I’m very polite.

Jill sent me a picture of Olivia wearing a necklace made of fruit loops. I’ll give you a list of responses I sent back and you try to pick out the one she liked best.

A. She asked for jewelry, not drool-ery
B. Every kiss begins with Kellogg
C. Is that Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
D. None of the above. In fact she probably ignored them all completely until I responded a few minutes later with “come on, none of those? Really? Not even the breakfast at Tiffany’s one?” At which point she finally responded back “sorry was on the phone with my mom” but we all know that’s not true.

I’m not sure if you are aware or not of what happened on a certain part of sports twitter earlier today, but if you hadn’t heard, I’ll recap it quickly for you. Basically this dude named Stephen A Smith from ESPN’s show First Take decided to share his opinion about domestic violence, and one of his main points was that women need to share in the responsibility when it comes to preventing it. I’m not joking, that was really what he said on his major television network that’s worth hundreds of billions of dollars.

I’m assuming by “preventative measures”, he means that women need to know when to walk away when they’re about to get punched. I guess? I only made it through the first minute of his segment that was posted on Deadspin, but in that minute he checked off every sign of victim blaming. He might as well have just sat in his chair and defined it.  Sometimes I think defining something is harder than finding specific examples of it; this was a specific example that did both.

Victim blaming [verb]: what Stephen A Smith just said.

He must have been getting a lot of shit after the segment aired because he took to twitter this afternoon to “clarify” his remarks. And it was all very typical of what you’d expect from someone who could even have that opinion in the first place.

“I would never condone hitting a woman, let me repeat that. But they need to share in preventative measures.”

That was his clarification in a nutshell. He basically repeated exactly what he had said earlier on his show. I’d give him a shovel, but he’d only beat me over the head with it. Which according to him, I’d be partially to blame for.

The thing that comes to my mind when stuff like this dominates the sporting news for the day (and it seems to be happening more and more) is how prevalent the thinking is of people like this. The racism and the homophobia and the misogyny that you find just by being on social media every day has reached the point now where I genuinely worry about our future. No I’m serious. I’m not being overly dramatic here. I really do think this is a serious societal problem. I don’t believe this is just a small minority of internet trolls who are looking for a rise; I think it’s way more prevalent than we even like to admit or acknowledge.

Have these people always existed? Is it just that every Neanderthal meathead with a computer or television show now has a forum to share their opinions? I don’t know the answer to that. But I do know that instead of focusing on how to address racism and homophobia and misogyny and maybe even how to empathize with a group or groups that aren’t exactly like us, we’re instead focusing on people like Stephen A. Smith whose goal it seems is to battle progress in those regards every step of the way.

And to be blunt, it fucking sucks.

Do you remember that scene at the end of Bill and Ted when George Carlin says “they do get better…”? I’m hoping Owen is just at the “playing for the first time together in our garage” stage of his throwing ability. But for now it’s still too damn funny.

Anybody know of a customer support email address for Mozilla? I have a kudos all typed up I’d like to send their way.

Dear Mozilla,
Thank you for always remembering which tabs I had opened after each time my Firefox crashes. Your thoughtfulness and caring during these difficult times are a great consolation to not crashing.
Love, Brian

Yes you can both have whatever you want.

Yes you can both have whatever you want.

Two people who just finished s2 of Orange is the New Black
So that's it?
You didn't like it?
No I liked it. But what do we do now?
We could talk to each other.
[simultaneous laughter]

I have a feeling that one day when I look back on the most nervous moments of my entire life, it’ll be a 3-way tie between my wedding day, when Jill went into labor with Owen, and when I sat in a jury duty room waiting for my name to be called and my cell phone battery percentage dropped below 10%.