Her: No for real. If I were to die tomorrow, do you think you’d ever get remarried?
Him: Tough to say. All I can say for sure is that you’re the only person I’ve ever met who I could ever see…
“I know there are laws about inciting violence via hate speech, and I most certainly don’t want to do that by providing suggestions for what people should do to Favre if he’s spotted anywhere in…
Send a broadcast message to the entire floor that says, “I bought some extra Halloween candy. It’s in the breakroom. Get it while it lasts.”
Only 3 injuries reported this time though, so that’s…
For reasons beyond my control, 1happyst.tumblr.com may have been updated for the last time, so this may be my only other option.
I’m still debating. I’ll let you know though.
The next internet meme that’s surely to sweep the nation my computer. I’ve been listening to this for 45 straight minutes. I now have an eye twitch.
When a texting typo almost makes sense
A: Wanna go out for some breakfast?
B: Yes. Breakfast sounds pretty food right about now.
An IM conversation with my boss
Her: What kind of cell phone do you have?
Me: Some kind of Samsung flip.
Her: Is it old?
Me: Yeah. I’ve had it since 2004.
Her: Do you want a Blackberry?
Me: Which model?
Her: It’s the Bold 9700.
Me: I was kidding. Hell yes I do.
Her: [smiley] I was about to tell you to continue having fun with the Samsung.
What is claimed to be ”the most revolutionary new musical instrument of the last 60 years” has been unveiled after eight years in development.
WANT!
Host: This is truly extraordinary. But I think to get the full experience, why don’t you play us off and show everyone what it sounds like all together.
Band: Hot cross buns. Hot cross buns. One a penny, two a penny, hot cross buns.
Host: Extraordinary.
Oh hi, Ford. How you doin’? Oh, good, good. Glad to hear it. Hey remember about 60 months ago when I bought that car from you? Yeah that was an exciting day. I wasn’t looking forward to the $415 payment each month, but I was excited for the new car. In fact I still have it. I’ve had to replace the tires and brakes and stuff, oh and the tie rod. That sucked. But other than that, I’ve been completely satisfied with the purchase. It’s been a good, solid car. But the best part? Get this. I just made my last payment on that sonofabitch. Yeah, the motherfucker’s mine now. I know, right? No I don’t want to trade it in. Are you crazy? I’m gonna enjoy this for a while. No, leave me alone. Go away. No I don’t want to upgrade. Let go of me.
(via bunkercomplex)
My Blue Heaven auto-reblog:
What the frig is the address here?
How the hell should I know? Number 1 Happy St
Dear Anita,
I realize you may not be used to having your quotes and speeches passed around the Internet to be ridiculed and scrutinized, but allow me to offer you some free and unsolicited advice. It’s never a good idea to pick a polarizing figure from history as a leader with whom you look up to, even if done so ironically. You’re setting yourself up for a lot of second-guessing and that’s not the right play, at least not politically. As a favor to you, I went ahead a compiled a list of people who elicit nothing but a positive response. In the future, please use only these names when mentioning policies and ideologies you look up to. These are the “safe names”, if you will.
- Ghandi
- MLK
- Jesus
- Mother Theresa
- That guy from Community and The Soup
- Jackie Robinson
- Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, George Washington
- Pretty much any name on that Declaration of Independence will work. We love us some forefathers.
- Albert Einstein
- Joel McHale, that’s it. His name is Joel McHale
Stick to those, and everything else will be cream cheese. If you have any questions, I went ahead and provided my phone number to your staff, so please feel free to call me at any time.
Thank you,
1 Happy St
What they said: “Would you like oatmeal raisin or chocolate chip?”
What I heard: “Would you like a piece of shit or something delicious?”
Or don't. It doesn't matter either way really.
Okay come back.
If you have a comment or complaint (or you'd like to tell Brian how awesome you think he is), you can reach him at sharpbri@gmail.com
