1 Happy St.

And now, a backlog of Happy Thoughts

- There are 2 types of people in this world: those who think there are 2 types of people in this world, and those who don’t. I’m in the former.

- Hugh Jackman is in a movie about huge boxing robots, and yet the main robot is not named Huge Ackman. I feel like this was a wasted opportunity.

- I recently heard the song “Do Me” by Bell Biv DeVoe while listening to 90’s on 9 on Sirius radio, and I knew all the words. Which means as an 11 year old back in 1990, there was a good chance I was saying “smack it up, flip it, rub it down” in public and having no idea what that meant. OH NO!!!!!!

- I type the word “shit” into my phone at least 100 times per week. I doubt I’ve ever typed the word “shut”. At least not on purpose. I wish autocorrect would learn my habits already.

- Why does Fannie May include those chocolate-covered peanut things in their assortment box? They have to know that people are throwing those away before moving on to the good stuff, right?

- I think the phrase “It’s like taking candy from a baby” should have the exact opposite meaning. Have you ever tried to take candy from a baby? It’s not easy. Never underestimate baby strength. That’s a real thing.

- If I ever got a dog, I would name him “Peeves”. He’d be my pet peeves.

- Whenever I’m at Subway and I ask for a cookie, the checkout person will say “which kind, chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin”. My brain processes that question as “which kind, this delicious work of art, or this piece of shit?”

- It has always amused me that football referees bring the chains out to “measure” if the offensive team got a first down or not, even though a few seconds earlier, the spot where they placed the ball was pretty much just a best guess.

- Every time I take a sip of a bloody mary, I can’t help but think the people who act like they like those things are just messing with me. Like there’s a whole big conspiracy going on. Like one day, there was a guy who created it for the first time, then went up to a buddy and said “hey, drink this and act like you like it. It tastes like a peppery foot, but I don’t care. I just want to see what happens. Maybe we could get other people to fake like they like it too.” And that’s how the bloody mary got started.

- I wonder who will play the “heroine” in the Amy Winehouse movie.

- I bet there’s a guy somewhere who was once literally thrown under a bus. And I bet it irks him when people say it metaphorically.

- Sometimes the gift received isn’t worth the effort it’s going to take me to write the thank you note.

- Whatever happened to the ozone layer? Is that still a problem, or are we good?

Damn it feels good to be back.