1 Happy St.

And Now, Some Happy Thoughts

I want to go roller skating. And I want to find a guy who’d be willing to hold hands with me during the couple’s skate, for this is the comedy apex of which all other funny things are judged.

If I were ever on Jeopardy, I’d buzz in and ask to take the physical challenge. Then when nobody laughed, I’d walk off stage and never return.

If I could dance like the guy in the red jumpsuit on What’s Up With That, I would never stop doing it. All day, every day, you’d see me dancing in place like Jason Sudeikis does.

To be fair to that wife who was interrupted in the middle of the night, the fact that her husband is calling Jake from State Farm at 3am is pretty odd. Creepier than having a mistress really.

I have a theory that every episode of Wheel of Fortune has 1 good looking contestant and 2 uggo’s. I’m not sure if this is planned by the producers, but watch for it. Nothing is more of a sure thing than Wheel of Fortune’s 1 good looking contestant standing next to 2 pieces of shit. Besides showing the world how big of a moron I am who isn’t familiar with common English phrases, this is the 2nd biggest reason I’d never go on the show. I just know they’d put me up against a cute brunette in a University of Arizona sweatshirt.

I’m thinking of changing each of my online passwords to 7 consecutive asterisks.

How are dots a real candy that people buy? They don’t taste good and they make your teeth feel uncomfortable for 10 minutes afterwards. I’ll take 2 boxes please.

Is there a difference between Holmes Inspection and Holmes on Homes? As far as I can tell, they’re the exact same show but with different names. They’re like the Caravan and Voyager of television shows.

I’m looking forward to the day when Jessica Simpson finally has her baby so I can congratulate her on twitter for the birth of her 6 month old.

Whenever someone tried to make a point that one athlete is better than another, you’ll hear them say something like ” he couldn’t hold the other guy’s jock”. But honestly, would he really want to? Ha, I am currently holding your jock. Therefore I am clearly better at sports than you!!!

Have a good week, My Lovelies.