Step 1: Buy him a Cozy Coupe for Christmas.
Step 2: Put it together.
Step 3: Let him play with it for hours on end. Play close attention to his huge smile and general love of life.
NOTE: Not included within these steps are the following details…
- Putting this thing together will be a son of a bitch.
- It’ll be missing parts. You’ll have to improvise, MacGyver.
- The directions will make no sense.
- Those lock thingies that they give you to hold the wheels on are the devil’s invention. You better hope you don’t forget to put on a very necessary washer before hammering that thing on because, well you’ll get 1 or 2 extras, but hahahahaha, fuck you it’s never coming off.
- You didn’t start with a beer? That should have been Step 2. Rookie mistake, go get a beer.
- Your little guy will want you to push him around in his new car for hours upon hours upon hours. You’re a pusher of his Cozy Coupe. This is your life now. Bed time is canceled, play time continues indefinitely. Good luck with your purchase.